A Talk

In the name of ALLAH most gracious, most merciful......

May all his bless is spread to all of us, muslimin wa muslimat wa mukminin wa mukminat....

Again i write in this space where i confirmly notice , there's a lot for me to learn to enhance my skills in writing which i like since i was a child. I like to, but still, there's more to know..more to learn.

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My life is full with challeges and obsticles( Everyone are..) which i didnt know that i'm able to undergo through all of that. People like to make the first impression whereas you just judge people with only one met without knowing him or her closely or deeply. I've been in that situation where there's a woman judge me with her first impression but as we go through some session where we being through and having an open talk, we both said what we thinks and feels towards each other.

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She spoke and i listened, i let her threw whatever she felt unsatisfied in her heart upon me. As i talked, she would listened and sometimes there's a 'debate' where she just interrupted my talk. We are in 'fired' and i can sensed the 'ammarah' had rise, 'Astaghfirullahal azim...' I try to calm both hearts by reminded her and to myself to remember ALLAH.

The situation went silent for a moment. Maybe thinking of how to conclude the whole thing.

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All of sudden in my mind, i realize how much negative she really thinks of me, how much misunderstood she had on me without asking me why i'm acting the way i am. We had a 'hot tension' session for a moment and it took a long time to adjust all the misunderstandings that we had among each other.

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Finally at the end of it, 'Alhamdulillah...' we come to a conclusion that we both need to be more true to each other. We began to understand each other better and even deeper like sisters. Yes, we are sisters in Islam...everyone are.
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That woman now is one of my best 'Sahabah'. We gone through a lot together, we cry and laugh together. The ups and downs ,including our fight together in the 'Jamaah'. We share our life story and we realize that both have a lot in common. We become closer and closer untill the day she had been in a big 'Fitnah' that caused her in big deppression but i knew her maybe more than those who have wrong impression towards her. I never leave her, i give my heart, my trust and my shoulder for her to cry on. I stand by her and i did fight for her. She get through it...we did it together...

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During this time, i'm sure she is busy working as an immigration officer in Johor Bahru.(i miss her so much!). 'Alhamdulillah' she go on with her life. May ALLAH protect and give her more strengths in the future. (ameen..)
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While i'm here still continue my studies in Law and Syariah where i almost suppose to quit cause of financial problem but 'Alhamdulillah..' HE would never leave his servants to be forever in grief. I realize that it's all apart of test among all the tests in life.

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I could not forget the moment where i'm sure that i have no hope to further my studies, i undergoed a bad deppression where i became so low self-esteem. I felt my whole world tumbling upside down and at that point i felt so weak, unable to do anything. I didnt knew what to do, all the questions played in my mind, where should i get help? Who would help me? What must i do? Should i borrow the money? or Should i just quit study and work, untill i have enough money??? At last my mind stopped to think.

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I cried and cried and i ask god what must i do??? I went to pray Isya'. How peaceful.............

During the last 'sujud' i just couldnt beared my tears, they fall again and again like the waterfalls from the Niagra Waterfall.

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'"Ya RABBI...My Lord, what should i do??? Why i'm crying like this??? I know how much weak i am, i realize the people that live surrounding al-Aqsa are having much more pressure than i am..i beg for your forgiveness, forgive me Ya KHALIQ..forgive me..."

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Then, my memory flashed back in my mind, remembering all the videos that captured the killing, and the murdered of little innocent children, women and men by the irresponsible and cold hearted people....i cried even more than before....

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"Ya ALLAH, protect and send help, bless them all as they fight for your 'Ad-Deen', save them...save them...save my relatives there...", thats all i can give them beside the money through the charity that to be sent there. I knew its still not enough but that is all i can do.

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I finished my "Do'a". I just stood still and pondered, slowly my tears was dried. I'm still sitting on the "Sejadah" and i felt like the Quran calling me to read it. I stand to reach the Holy Quran and i sit again and i stared at it.

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" Maybe i could find some answers in this 'Qalamullah'..." my heart whispered.

I hold the Quran tightly with my hands and i closed my eyes, " I seek for your answer my Lord, only from you..."

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And slowly i opened the Quran and i read it. As i read it with all my heart, my lips read from every verse to another one as it came to this one verse, my heart was strucked, my lips couldnt set out the voice and my eyes that was dried before began to set tears again. I stopped and let the happiness joyed by tears that shed in a long 'sujud'....

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"Thank you..Thank you..Thank you ya RABBI...." its a sign of how Greatness HE is.
I truly believe that whenever HE wants something to happen it will happen with HIS orders.
From that moment i'm not afraid, my spirit become more alive and i truly convict, HE will help me through this. I can do this.

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Untill now i still remember the words by HIM in the Quran.That verse is in.........

( to be continued...)